Saturday, March 12, 2011

Goodbye to You

I'm getting ready to head to WI this morning. I have my iTunes on shuffle. The song Goodbye to You by Michelle Branch came on and it started stirring up a bunch of emotions within me. It reminded me of him. The song got me thinking about a lot of things - mostly how I was trying to obtain the PERFECT relationship (when we all know that doesn't exist). It basically talks about how she wants everything but nothing at the same time. She's basically having to rediscover herself after this breakup. 

I think in a lot of ways I can relate to the song, but in a different way. My heart still wants the relationship because I had someone and that beats being alone. On the other hand, my mind is telling me that that relationship is toxic. I did things different this time. I followed my heart and that did me no justice. Now I'm going back to how I've always done things - mind then heart. 

Today, I'm not sad about losing this relationship. I'm mourning it and something clicked in my head today - I need to stop thinking of this as me being weak. There is strength in admitting what happened and dealing with the emotions and the baggage that comes with it. There is nothing weak about that.

Once a victim, now a survivor.

That's the motto I'm now going to live by.

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